“Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house were tensions and frustrations. What a rouse!

The hurts and offenses from long long ago seemed just under the surface. Things were ready to blow.”

Does this, in some measure, describe your family Christmas each year?  Are you concerned about the gatherings over the next few weeks?  You are not alone. It isn't just your family. In fact even in the Bible we see family conflict from the first family (Cain murdered his brother Able) right on to the family of Jesus himself. If you study the families of historical heroes in the faith, missionaries and even pastors, you’ll find conflict to one degree or another. Why? We are all sinners. We irritate each other at the very best and “bite, devour and destroy one another” (Galatians 5:15) at worst. 

So how do we handle tough family situations during the Holidays when it is supposed to be a time of love, joy and peace?  A time to cherish the memories of each other’s company, yet it is filled with strife?  Certainly there are an infinite number of situations. This post is not intended as a “cure-all” article nor do we want to minimize your family’s needs by trying to tackle them in a short blog post. However, we want to offer some basic Bible principles and a few practical ideas that may be of help.  

1.       Love your family.  Jesus said that our love for family must be secondary to our love and devotion to him.  He also said to love our enemies and those who spitefully hurt us.  In order to love Jesus and honor him, we must love our families.  What does this love look like though in practical terms? Does it mean we open ourselves or our children up to physical or spiritual harm? No! However, It does mean that we love biblically.  Study 1 Corinthians 13 for a refresher on what this means. We suggest you seek wise biblical counsel from a pastor or godly friend for help in your particular situation especially if it is involves an abusive situation.

2.       Pray. Pray for yourself. Pray that you will show grace, love, patience, mercy and reflect Christ and his actions toward those who hurt him.  Pray also for the family members who cause problems. Seek God's help diligently about the whole situation through serious prayer.

3.       Open neutral lines of communication.  The Christmas visit probably isn't the best time to confront or rebuke. Instead, perhaps you could make an actual list of topics you can chat about which you know will be neutral.  Try crafts or hunting and fishing. What about new apps you've found for your phone? Recipes, pets, new restaurants… the list could go on, but think ahead about it and write it down.  Maybe write it in a note on your smartphone so you can discreetly refer to it when needed in the middle of the room or in the car. 

4.       Don’t preach. Again, this probably isn't the time to correct, advise or rebuke. If frustrating topics arise, do your best to suggest postponing the conversation. Have a plan of action for politely walking away. (I have to email a friend for Christmas, wrap a gift, check on the kids…) Do your part to avoid tense subjects especially if you’re prone to being a confronting type person. 

5.       Limit the time. Plan ahead to limit your time together.  Don’t over-stay.  Planning ahead allows you to politely  let them know you’ll only be staying for a few hours or just for a meal.  If family is coming to your house, plan something ahead that you’ll be involved in after the family visits. Invite others over at a certain time so the family members in question will need to leave etc. This is not being rude. It is planning to avoid conflict.

6.       Plan activities. Perhaps you can visit a local landmark together. Go to dinner at a neutral place in public. You can plan crafts with the kids, outdoor or indoor games or watching a Christmas movie. Avoid down time where people are bored, restless or have opportunity for negative conversation and/or arguments. Keep the flow of activity moving with things that give options to keep minds and talk active with positive subjects. 

7.       Create Space.  If possible, plan ahead for times of space for yourself and/or your family while still visiting. Maybe you’ll take the kids for some last minute shopping or to a McDonald’s Play Place. Plan a walk or run each day.  Plan to call a friend for Christmas which takes you away into a private room for a short time.  Bring a project to work on with the kids – a model or craft. Whatever it is. Plan ahead to create some space so tensions can ease. Space allows you and them time throughout the visit cool down. 

We fully realize that these few suggestions could seem trite depending on how difficult things are for you.  We hope not, but we do want you to know that we realize that the Christmas and New Year’s holidays are not always “the most wonderful time of year” and we care.   If we can be of help to you or your family, please join us for services and talk with us.  We care and we believe the Bible can bring hope to your situation.

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“I’ll have a blue Christmas without you. I’ll be so blue just thinking about you.” And so the old song goes. ‘Tis the season that is hard when you are lonely. Loneliness can come from many sources. Perhaps it hits because of the loss of a loved one, because a single person is looking for a special someone, or because a family member can’t be home for Christmas. No matter the reason, loneliness can be especially painful during the holidays.
We hope this short article will provide you with some help and insight from Scripture.
 
When feeling lonely, remember the following:

1. It is normal and human to feel lonely. Remember that Adam felt lonely in the Garden of Eden even before sin came on the scene. He had perfect fellowship with God. He had everything he needed, and yet God himself said in Genesis 2:18 that it wasn’t good for man to be alone. God created us with needs, including a need for food, shelter, clothing, and others.
2. Some may flippantly say that God is enough.  Often, people will counsel a lonely person to just “enjoy God….Spend time with him. He is all you need, so you don’t really need anyone right now.” We see from the previously mentioned passage that this isn’t really true in most circumstances. In fact, we read in 1 Corinthians 12:21 that none of us should say that we don’t need others. We do! God has chosen to meet the needs that He, in perfect wisdom, created us to have. He has chosen to meet those needs through His gracious provision of other people.
3. When all else fails, God truly is enough. Even though God created us with needs, told us to not say we don’t need others, and told us that it is not good that man be alone, there are also passages which address situations in which we are alone and there is nothing we can do to change it. In cases like that—in times when we find ourselves separated from others, perhaps in the middle of a dark cold night—God really is enough. Reach out to Him. Tell Him of your pain. Read His Word, sing songs of praise, pray, and consider Romans 8:35-39:

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? …. Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

1. Beware of diversions that aren’t positive in the long run. Jack Zavada mentions three such diversions in his article on loneliness. He says beware of (1) buying too much, (2) becoming overly busy to the point of exhaustion and breaking down physically, or (3) laying in bed all day feeling sorry for yourself.  None of these, or any other tactic that is selfish in nature, will solve the problem.
2. Reconsider your talents, spiritual gifts, and opportunities. Referring back to 1 Corinthians 12, each of us has been given special abilities and experiences through which we can serve others. Reconsider yours. Take a spiritual gifts assessment. (Click Here for a free online spiritual gifts assessment.)  Ask God to give you new opportunities by connecting you with others through meeting their needs with your God-given gifts and abilities. We would love to have you become part of our church and help you connect with others in ways you could serve the Lord and build new relationships.
3. Find a community of believers in a good church if you don’t have one. God has created us to interact with other people, and His design for us is to do that within a local church. If you have a church, tell your leaders about your struggle with loneliness and ask for help in becoming more involved. If you’re not part of a good church, find one. We would love to have you visit our church to see if it may be a fit for you. Look for other places in your community where you can connect with others by way of helping them. In reaching out to others, you will find God meeting your needs for companionship. Consider local nursing homes, children’s homes, shelters, food pantries, and so on.
4. Open yourself up to new relationships. Perhaps you had a loss, you suffered a painful relationship breakup, or you are simply feeling sorry for yourself. Move ahead with expectant hope in God’s grace and mercy. Remind Him again that you are lonely. Ask Him to help you with the grief, mistrust, or hurt you feel. Lay it at His feet as often as you struggle.  Don’t go out looking for a friend as your main priority. Instead, go out to be a friend and trust God to connect you with the right people.

 
We know loneliness is a hard burden to bear. We want to help if we can. Drop by for a visit to our services soon. Remember that loneliness is normal, and that if God doesn’t provide companionship at the moment you feel you need it the most, He will provide soon. And remember, if you are in God’s family, you can rest in His unchanging love for you as His child.

Here are some more article and information we feel you might find helpful.

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